R-E-S-P-E-C-T … read, and find out what it means to me

   I think that Aretha Franklin was on to something hugewhen she sang that song. It isn’t only something that had
importance at that time. It is essentially more important
now, than then. Well, in my life anyway.

   One of the things that was taught to me by my parents
was to respect everyone you meet. It is kind of easy to do
that when we are in our own environments. We
have our families, friends, jobs and any other something
that is what is usually, our everyday lives. Being in your
own cultures sure helps out. Especially when you don’t
have to go against so many stereotypical views.

   I am writing because of the experience that I have had
today.

   Today, as every day, I went to the coffee shop for around
9:30 a.m. It is about being visible and integrating
into the community, plus the coffee.

   What happened is that I ran into a Rroma (Gypsy) guy that
I have started to become friends with. This doesn’t sound
like a big deal, but it was. The reason being as this guy is
quite an outsider. I have heard that he spent time in jail
for murdering someone (but I seem to get mixed info, from
different people) also he is poor, doesn’t work (don’t know
why) and he is what I have to call, the town ’moocher’.

   It is interesting to see the reaction that everyone has to
him. I can understand why and that is the peoples’ right.

   One thing that I do have going and enjoy a lot is being
the ’stranger’. At first back in El Salvador it was difficult
because I was always on the defensive. I was somewhat
manipulated into doing what the people wanted me to do.
I felt that I had to follow their customs and it was like
playing their game where they would use my ignorance to
change the rules for their advantage.

   I suffered through that for the first year and I finally
figured out that, hey, I am not you, I am different. When
I realized that, life got so much easier and I began to call
some of 'the shots'.

   In the five years since, I have used this line … ‘I do things
different because I am different‘. I am not Salvadoran,
Senegalese or Romanian for that matter and I tell people
this all the time. I do respect the cultural norms but the
small things I do a little more ’my way’. For example here,
usually the men shake hands and a man doesn’t shake
hands with a woman. But I shake hands with women and I
can tell that they are a little surprised by it. Every time I
say, I am doing this differently because I am different. The
point I am trying to make is that there are people different
than you and accept them for that. So far the people have.

    The real word that should be used for development is
’change’.

   How does this fits in with the Rroma ’moocher’ man? I
buy him coffee about twice a week and we talk.

   An ex-volunteer friend of mine in Senegal (Pat, who is
a psychologist) told me that once you gave someone
something, they would keep coming back knowing that
if they persist, they will probably score again. Right here
I am saying thanks to Pat, because by understanding that
I have been able to manipulate them, instead of them
manipulating me.

   The reason why I want contact with this guy is because
he is arguably at the bottom of the social totem pole.
Where is a better place to get info on how it is be an out-
cast here in Nădlac.

   This morning we spoke for quite a long time and we also
were out in an open area. It was funny to see the reaction
of the people that I knew. They were really uncomfortable
and barely said hi to me because I was with the Rroma gent.
I understand why, they have been in town with him more
than I have.

   The Rroma guy said hi to almost everyone that came by
and of course they tried to or did ignore him. I feel the
reason why is that if they returned the greeting he would
ask them for some money or something. Which is probably
true.

   After they walked by he mentioned ’look at that, one of the
things that bothers me the most is that they don’t even
respect us Rroma enough to give us a reply’. After being in
this Peace Corps business and living with different types of
peoples and cultures, you learn that there are two sides to
every coin.

   The Rroma man said to me ’ you are different, you say hi
and talk to everyone, no matter if they are rich or poor,
Rroma or Romanian’. Everyone that knows you, likes you.

   I felt pretty good to hear that (who wouldn’t?). But as
I mentioned before development really should be referred
to as ‘change‘. How can you make change if you are the
same as the people that you want to change. I mean by
that, if you think the same as them with the same barriers
and same prejudices, how can change take hold?

  What respecting others has gotten me, a foot in the door
to be heard. To be able to speak my ’different’ opinions
and hopefully effect change. I have found that if people
know that you are sincere, they will at least listen to you.

   Now by being visible with the Rroma guy I will be asked
what was going on by the regular people. I hope that by
being able to move in either circle that I will somehow be
able to start and build a bridge to a more open consciousness
between the two sides.

   It is either an idealistic ’pie in the sky’ insanity or an
honest to goodness strategy, you make the call. Time will
tell on that point.

  What I do know for sure is that none of this could or would
have been able to be set in motion without having R-E-S-P-E-C-T,
as part of one’s arsenal for change.